


Glad You're Here

by Tleighblack



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Emotionally Repressed, Hand Jobs, Infidelity, Jealousy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-09-30 13:18:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20447768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tleighblack/pseuds/Tleighblack
Summary: Callum gets roped into helping at the Albert. Ben shows up and it doesn't go well. Then it does.





	Glad You're Here

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place after pride but before any of the wedding prep had started. It just took me a while to get it ready.  
This gets very explicit. Be warned.  
Whitney exists and therefore is mentioned but she isn't really in the fic. 
> 
> I do not have a beta, therefore, all mistakes are mine. I appreciate any feedback.

Callum isn’t quite sure how he gets himself into these situations. One minute he’s walking through the square with Whit, definitely not hoping to see Ben and the next Tina is convincing him to work a shift at The Prince Albert. If he has to be honest, he is beginning to understand why people say he is too nice. He really doesn’t want to spend his whole evening in a gay bar surrounded by constant reminders that he is a big, fat liar. But Tina is desperate and he feels bad for her. Apparently, everyone has called out on her and she is going to be by herself for a big majority of the evening. Of course, Whit also has a hand in it, practically accepting for him. In the end, he just couldn’t say no, promising Tina he would be along in an hour or so. 

When he arrives in front of the Albert it takes almost a full minute before he can open the door. He hasn’t been back since pride and he definitely doesn’t want to think about what that night led to. Callum still can’t believe Stuart decided the best course of action to Callum confessing that he was confused about his feelings was to beat Ben to a pulp. How was that supposed to make the situation better? He’d even made sure to double down on the fact that he wants to marry Whit and spend the rest of his life with her just to reassure Stuart. Callum was just so tired of carrying his feelings by himself and he had thought Stuart might support him. Stuart wants to be part of his life so bad that he thought it might be safe to confide in him. Let him be his big brother like he is always trying to. He hadn’t counted on Stuart deciding that Ben was the source of the issue, actively trying to convert Callum and that it was his mission to protect Callum from Ben. Even then Ben had still covered Callum, not letting Whit know what happened because he knew Callum didn’t want anyone to think bad about his brother. Strange how his brother wanted to protect him so bad and yet Ben was always the one coming to his rescue. 

Callum decides it is time to stop being a coward and face the evening head-on. Tina waves to him from behind the bar, smiling so wide it’s contagious. Callum finds himself returning her smile automatically. She always seems so happy now. Managing the bar has given her a tremendous confidence boost. He’s a little jealous of how easy she seems in her skin. He shuffles across the room and behind the bar to join her. 

Tina sets him to work getting the drinks in order and making sure the glasses are ready to go. She quizzes him on cocktails to make sure he still remembers what goes where. He is pretty sure he isn’t getting any of the answers right when Tina cocks her head to the side and sighs dramatically. “We’ll just work on it as we go, alright.” She slaps him on the shoulder and leaves him to finish setting up while she goes to have a once over before she opens the doors. 

A few hours in and to his surprise the evening is going really well. Callum hasn’t messed up anyone’s order too bad and he has had several ladies offer to adopt him, giggling and calling him the “cutest ever”. There is a guy who has been drinking at the bar all evening and Callum is almost sure he is flirting with him, though he hasn’t the foggiest idea why he would. The bloke hasn’t crossed any lines or been rude though so Callum is fine with it. He isn’t sure why some random guy flirting with him doesn’t bother or panic him while Ben glancing at him across a room sends him into a tailspin but he tries not to delve too deep into it. 

Callum is handling being in The Albert, feeling more comfortable than he thought he would. They are busy enough to keep him moving but still slow enough that he and Tina can handle it. He lets his thoughts wander to Ben, wondering what it might be like if the world were different. How it might be if he could have Ben the way he is beginning to acknowledge to himself that he wants him. 

Callum is starting to suspect he might have magic powers. It’s as if thinking of Ben has made him materialize out of thin air, like a genie out of a fairy story. Callum’s breath catches in his throat as he sees Ben moving through the bar. He’s dressed in black and gray, all brash confidence and rough scruff. Heads turn as he passes but he doesn’t pay them any mind. He hasn’t looked towards the bar, hasn’t noticed Callum and Callum isn’t sure if he is relieved or disappointed. The bloke at the end of the bar motions towards him and Callum scurries over to refill him. 

As he serves the gentleman, whose name turns out to be Dylan, Callum becomes more confused than he was before. I mean, who has business cards with their name, number, Grindr profile and nothing else on them, it doesn’t even tell you what business he’s in. Not very practical in his opinion. When Callum voices this out loud, Dylan throws his head back and laughs. “You really are adorable aren’t you? I thought it was a put-on but now I’m intrigued.” He licks his lips and Callum smiles nervously, sure that he is missing something. 

“If you could stop trying to get a leg over long enough to do your job that’d be sweet.” Callum startles at the edge in Ben’s voice and the thrill it sends up his spine. He turns wide eyes in Ben’s direction and is met with a mocking smirk. Ben continues in a slow drawl, using his hands to emphasis his words. “This is a bar and you are a barman, aren’t you?” Ben has this sugar wouldn’t melt tone in his voice but every line in his body seems poised for attack. Callum flushes, feeling like he’s been caught out for some reason. He fumbles for a moment and then goes for an everything is normal, nothing to see here approach. 

“Yeah, sorry. What can I get ya?” He can’t take his eyes off Ben. It’s been a while since he’s seen him. His face is healed up, no more bruises. His eyes are clear and bright. He looks much better than the last time Callum had run into him. His aftershave is just strong enough to make out as Callum moves closer and memories try to well up. He pushes them down into the deep dark hole he has created for all things Ben Mitchell and pretends everything is completely fine. 

“Two bottles of lager, please,” Ben looks Callum up and down with an undisguised leer and Callum feels completely naked under his gaze. He feels a blush creeping up his neck and he’s half hard in his jeans just from a look. He stumbles over his own feet as he turns around to gather the bottles and takes just a minute to try and compose himself. When he turns around and places the bottles on the bar, he notices Dylan is openly glaring daggers at Ben while Ben just grins back at him with a slight challenge in his stance. “So, you come here often?” The tone of Ben’s voice makes it obvious he is fucking with him and Dylan seems to know it. 

“Nah, mate. But now that I know that they have such great service I might make this a regular stop.” Dylan turns the full force of his smile back to Callum and winks. Callum just stares dumbly at the both of them. He’s not quite sure what is happening or if he should do anything about it. He’s fairly certain anything he does is going to make the situation worse. Dylan doesn’t see the minute gesture that Ben makes but Callum does. Ben’s whole spine goes rigid reminding Callum of a cat with its fur standing on end. For half a second he’s afraid Ben is going to jump the other man right in the middle of the bar but the tension is broken when a tall blonde bloke drapes himself over Ben’s back. 

“Hey, thought you were just gonna be gone a second,” the guy reaches over Ben’s shoulder to grab one of the bottles and swigs from it before nuzzling at the side of Ben’s head. Ben meets Callum’s eyes for a split second before turning a hundred-watt smile towards his companion. 

“Sorry, had to sit through a live-action Romcom meet-cute before I could order the drinks,” Ben wraps an arm around blondie’s waist and picks up his bottle. “I’m all yours now.” He nods mockingly at both Dylan and Callum before waltzing off with his human blanket. 

Callum is slightly stunned by this turn of events. He smiles weakly at Dylan before moving to the other side of the bar to help a couple of gentlemen who are waiting patiently. There is a small rush and it is a few minutes before he can take the time to scan the area for Ben. He tells himself that he just wants to see where he is so he can’t sneak up on him again but deep down he knows that isn’t exactly true. He doesn’t want to name the feeling that is making his stomach turn over. Dylan has been nursing his drink at the end of the bar and motions to Callum once he is free. Tina picks that moment to swoop back behind the bar and send Callum to collect glasses so he is saved from having to try and deal with whatever is happening over there for a few minutes. 

As he makes the rounds through the bar he finally catches sight of Ben and immediately wishes he hadn’t. The fellow that was at the bar with him is practically using him as a chair. One of his legs is hooked over Ben’s knee, an arm slung around his neck using it for leverage as he whispers into his ear. Ben has his hand resting pretty high up on the bloke’s thigh and the other curled around his waist holding him close. Callum freezes and takes deep breaths while reminding himself that it is none of his business who Ben spends time with. Ben laughs at whatever his friend whispers and that is when the jealousy hits Callum square in the gut. He wants to march over there and knock blondie’s head off. He wants to punch Ben in his big stupid grin. He wants to kiss him until neither of them can breathe and Ben can’t remember what blondie looks like. He settles for turning on his heel like a coward and practically running back to the bar. 

He sets up the glasses in the dishwasher and works to control his breathing. He knows that he doesn’t have the moral high ground in this situation. He’s engaged to Whit. He doesn’t have any right to be jealous. He shouldn’t be jealous. He and Ben are nothing to each other. Ben can be with as many bland blonde blokes as he wants. Ben doesn’t owe him anything. If he's being honest, he owes Ben a lot. Between Callum’s father and brother taking turns battering him and the way Callum himself has twisted Ben around he should be grateful Ben hasn’t shouted in the square what a knob Callum is. Honestly, he wouldn’t blame him right now. Callum’s thoughts are coming a mile a minute, trying to drown out the chaos caused by Ben wanting someone else and he slams the door to the dishwasher a little too hard. 

“Oi, I just got that fix, Halfway! You break it and I’m gonna dock your wages.” Tina is staring at him like he’s lost his mind. 

“Sorry, sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. The one at the Vic doesn’t close all the way sometimes and..” He trails off as Tina pushes him to the side to get to a bottle behind him. 

“Alright, don’t have a meltdown. Just be more careful.” She turns back to the punters without another thought in his direction. Callum starts the washer and goes back to helping with drink orders. 

Dylan is still leaning against the end of the bar and when Callum stops in to see if he needs a refill, he reaches out and touches Callum’s hand. Callum isn’t sure what to do and just awkwardly stares at the spot where their hands are touching. “That guy from earlier, he your ex?” Callum looks up from their hands and it takes a moment to process what he is being asked. 

“No, no. He’s just someone from around here. Just likes to wind people up.” Callum pulls his hand back and clutches it in front of him like he’s a ninety-year-old gran. He still isn’t sure what exactly Dylan wants with him. He half thinks it's a wind up but there is a little voice in the back of his head telling him that he knows exactly what this it. That same little voice also happens to be whispering that during this whole evening he hasn’t mentioned the fact that he isn’t gay or that he’s engaged to a woman. That fact settles in his brain and worms itself through his thoughts. He realizes that he kinda likes the idea that this guy is hitting on him. He doesn’t have any plans to act on it or real thoughts about it but the idea is enough to make him feel a little warm inside. 

“Well, if he’s not your ex, then he’s got it bad for you. I’m getting a little bit of a stalker vibe from him.” Dylan continues with a sincere expression on his face. Callum frowns as he is pulled out of his thoughts and tries to pick back up in the conversation. “Why would you say that?”

Dylan laughs, not unkindly and shakes his head a little. “The more you talk the more convinced I am that you are something really special.” 

Callum bristles at little at that. Seriously, he’s not the biggest in the brains department but he ain’t slow. Dylan immediately realizes how Callum has interpreted his words and rushes to smooth over the situation. “No, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just really refreshing to run into someone as hot as you who doesn’t immediately know it. It’s endearing. Most of the time there is this jockeying for position. Proving to the other person that you are worth their time. It doesn’t feel like that with you. It just feels nice.” 

Callum just stares at him in stunned silence. He doesn’t really know how to respond. He isn’t used to people calling him hot and being sincere about it. Whit is always talking about how sweet he is and how wonderful he is to her but this doesn’t feel like the same thing. Ben’s idea of a compliment comes with a side of snark so big that Callum’s not sure which parts he actually means and which parts are wind up. The naked honesty has thrown him for a loop. 

Dylan squirms awkwardly in the silence that follows his statement. “I guess that tells me how you feel about me.” He smiles halfheartedly and lays down some money. As he turns to leave, Callum finally breaks out of his spell. 

He reaches out and tugs Dylan’s sleeve to stop him from leaving. “No, mate. I didn’t mean to… I just was kinda not expecting that.” Callum swallows nervously as Dylan turns back to face him. His face has a cautious hope in it. Callum feels the need to explain or at least let him down easy. “I wasn’t trying to lead you on or nothing. It’s just… I got someone. I didn’t realize where this was headed. Sorry.” 

“No problem.” Dylan smiles, a little disappointment showing through. “You didn’t. Lead me on that is. I was just taking a shot. You seem nice. Don’t find that often.” Dylan gives a little shrug, “I don’t think I would want you for just a night anyway. That would never be enough.” Dylan smiles as he slides one of his cards over to Callum’s side of the bar. “I hope your fella knows what a catch he’s got. If you ever feel like he’s forgotten, give me a call. I’d be happy to show you just how hot I think you are.” With a wink and a grin, Dylan saunters toward the exit. Callum picks up the card from the bar and studies it before glancing towards Dylan’s retreating figure. He sticks it in his back pocket before turning back to help Tina get the line under control. If he feels just a bit pleased with himself, that’s no one business but his own. 

The rest of the night goes off without hitch. Callum catches a couple of glimpses of Ben throughout the night but nothing more. The stupid blonde git gets a couple more rounds for them but Callum lucks out and Tina gets him both times. He can almost pretend that he doesn’t care when he realizes that he hasn’t seen either one for at least an hour as he and Tina finish up the night. He ignores the sick feeling in his gut at the images that flash through his head. Blondie on his knees in front of Ben, Ben’s head thrown back and his eyes closed in pleasure. Callum shakes his head and resolves to stop being so pathetic. Ben is allowed to have a life. It’s not like Callum is offering him anything other than complications. He offers to stay and help Tina clean up but she waves him off with a tired smile. She is emphatically thankful for his help and he is genuinely glad that he was able to step up for her. 

The night air is cool and the streets are quiet. He stayed long enough that most of the customers have wandered off home. Callum makes his way towards the flat taking his time. As he reaches the funeral parlor, he slows down. He doesn’t want to go up to the flat and make nice with Whit if she is still up. He hates the way he feels around her now. He feels so fake like he’s going through the motions. She doesn’t deserve that. Ever since this thing happened with Ben, Callum has been trying extra hard to be perfect for her. If he is really honest with himself, he’s exhausted. It’s like he’s holding his breath while trying to navigate an obstacle course. One wrong move and his whole world will crash down around him. He might be okay with that for himself, after all, he cheated and probably deserves a lot worse, but he doesn’t want for Whit to be hurt or Ben to get caught in the destruction. He feels like he is messing everything up, the way he always does and he isn’t sure how to fix it. 

Callum pulls out his phone to check the time and has the sudden urge to call Ben. He scrolls through his contacts and stops on Ben’s name. He just stares at it trying to fight the overwhelming desire to ring Ben. He doesn’t want to know what Ben and blondie are doing but it is also killing him that he doesn’t know. Tonight was the first time that he had been confronted with the real, concrete fact that Ben sleeps with other men. It was one thing to know on an abstract level. But to realize that all the jokes, innuendo and sometimes just straight-up descriptions that Ben throws out like darts to be cheeky, to make the people around laugh, are true hurts more than Callum wants to admit. The times when he would make rude comments just to make Callum squirm and amuse himself now feel a hundred times more awful. 

Standing in the middle of the sidewalk alone in the night understanding hits Callum like a lightning strike. As uncomfortable as Ben makes him, he always feels like the focus of Ben’s attention. Ben says those things because he likes to watch Callum blush and trip over himself. Callum feels like Ben sees him, notices all the little things that make him nervous and delights in having secret control. The unfortunate reality that Callum is only beginning to accept is that he wants Ben’s attention. He wants Ben to see him, to find his eyes on him over the crowd at the Vic, wants him to look up when he passes him in the cafe. He wants Ben and he cannot bring himself to do anything about it. The idea that Ben doesn’t want him in the same way, with this all-consuming need, is crushing him. 

Callum hovers over the call button, debating on whether the embarrassment of possibly hearing Blondie with Ben would be worth interrupting whatever they were doing. The jealousy Callum knows he has no right to is making it hard for common sense to win over. He has this intense urge to ruin Ben’s night because he doesn’t like the idea of him being with anyone else. He’s also terrified that it wouldn’t ruin Ben’s night. That he would brush off Callum with a laugh and Callum is not sure he could deal with that level of mortifying right now. 

“So, you gonna call him for a late-night hook up or what?” Callum about jumps out of his skin when Ben’s voice rumbles from the darkness. He looks up, trying to pinpoint where the voice is coming from while his heart hammers against his chest. Ben steps out from the shadows and gives Callum a scandalized look. “Late night booty calls?” Ben mock gasps. “What would your fiance think?”

Callum hates that the first feeling that floods him is relief. Relief that Ben is standing in the dark waiting for him and not off having hot sex with a hot blonde. He feels stupid and childish and still a thousand times better than he did two minutes ago. The second feeling that surfaces is confusion. He blinks at Ben trying to sort out what he means. “Late night hook up? Where is that coming from?”

Ben leans back against the wall and fixes Callum with an unamused stare. “You was very popular tonight. Last time I checked, I had it on good authority that, and I quote, “it had to mean something” when you slept with someone. Although it wasn’t long after that you lured me to a kids park so maybe our definitions of ‘mean something’ are different.”

Callum shakes his head at Ben, not understanding what the hell is going on. “I’m not hooking up with anyone. That’s ridiculous. I was just on my way home.” He turns towards the flat but his jealousy gets the better of him. He turns back to Ben and levels an irritated look at him. He knows he’s being petty but he can’t help himself right now. “Besides, you should talk. I figured the way blondie was on ya, you’d be too busy to be skulking around dark alleys right now.” 

Callum’s plan is to take that parting shot and march right up to his flat, leaving Ben in the dark. He isn’t prepared for Ben to suddenly be up in his face. For all that he is half a head shorter than Callum, Ben takes up a lot of space. Callum steps back as Ben advances on him, crowding him until their positions have swapped and Callum’s back is against the wall. Ben’s voice is pure venom as he hisses in Callum’s face. “You ain’t got no right to talk about who I get off with. Walking around all high and mighty with your fiance then copping off with random blokes. Ain’t you a class act?” 

Ben seems kinda drunk and very angry. He’s bunched up the front of Callum’s shirt in his fists and is using it to pin him to the wall. He is breathing heavy and Callum can feel it against his cheek, warm with a smell of mint. Callum thinks that he should probably be scared but all he is aware of is the heat radiating off Ben. The scent of his aftershave surrounds Callum, making his head swim. He’s partially hard again just from the weight of Ben against him and having a hard time focusing. He puzzles over what Ben said for a minute before coming up with, “You ain’t random.”

Callum knows that he isn’t making much sense but neither is Ben. He watches disbelief spread over Ben’s face before his hand slides down to cup Callum’s ass. Callum cants his hips forward slightly from the feeling before he realizes that Ben has stuck his hand in his back pocket. When Ben pulls back he brandishes the card that Dylan had slid over to Callum earlier in the evening. “No, but he is.”

Ben stares directly at him, challenging him to disagree. With a sense of wonder, Callum finally puts the pieces together, amazed at what picture finally comes into his head. ‘Ben’s jealous.’ The thought makes his heart skip a beat. He can’t wrap his head around it but at the same time, he can’t deny that this is the only scenario that makes sense. He doesn’t want to like the fact that it completely turns him on. The idea of Ben going crazy because someone else hit on him is pushing all his buttons. Moving slowly so that he doesn’t set Ben off, he lifts his phone and pushes the button to make the screen light up. Ben blinks against the sudden brightness as Callum tries to make words form. “I was trying to decide whether or not to call you. I didn’t… I don’t want...” Callum shakes his head in frustration. He can’t ever say what he truly means. 

Ben’s focus has shifted off Callum onto his phone. He’s staring at the screen and Callum sees him swallow as he realizes that his contact info is the one pulled up. Callum turns off the light and sticks the phone in his pocket. Ben has loosened his grip on Callum’s shirt and now has his hand laying flat on his chest. The card flutters to the ground as he places his other hand on the wall next to Callum and drops his forehead to Callum’s chest. Callum carefully brings his hands to rest lightly on Ben’s lower back. The fight goes out of Ben and he slumps against Callum. Callum revels in the comforting weight against his body. It’s been so long since they touched like this and it’s a little disconcerting how much Callum craves it. 

Ben lifts his head, staring up at Callum. The weariness coming off Ben breaks Callum’s heart. Callum waits patiently, afraid that if he says the wrong thing Ben will get mad and leave. “It’s hard enough with her.” Callum flinches a little at the mention of Whitney. “I can’t watch you with other blokes too. You’re doing my head in, Callum.” Ben goes to push off the wall like he’s going to leave and Callum panics. He grabs on to Ben’s waist with both hands and uses the fact that Ben is a still staring up because of their height difference to kiss him. His aim isn’t great and he ends up more on the corner of Ben’s mouth than on it. Then Ben shifts just a bit and Callum is in heaven. Ben opens up under him and Callum can taste the mint on his tongue, the lingering of whiskey and something that is uniquely Ben. Ben reaches up to clasp Callum’s head, pulling him closer, taking control of the kiss. He crowds in until their bodies are touching from chest to knee, using his lips and teeth to trace Callum’s jawline. Callum’s head falls back, his hips thrust forward and all he can feel is Ben. His entire body feels weak, like jelly. He’s pretty sure if Ben let go of him right now he would melt into a puddle. He doesn’t want to be anywhere else. Ben nips the skin under his ear and chuckles when Callum moans out loud. 

His breath is hot on Callum’s ear, making him shiver as Ben traces the shell of his ear with his tongue. “I want you. Come back to mine.” Callum’s whole body goes rigid at Ben’s words. He is suddenly aware that they are on a public street, a few feet from his flat door and that anyone could see them right now. 

Ben registers the change in Callum’s demeanor immediately. He stops and pulls back slightly so that he can see Callum’s face. Callum doesn’t know how to respond. His heart is trying to break out of his chest and his breathing is ragged. He’s so turned on he’s having trouble forming thoughts beyond “Ben” and “more”. Ben takes his silence as rejection and his face goes hard. “Jesus, Callum. Just make up your mind. I ain’t a toy for you to play with and then toss to the side.” Ben pushes away from him and starts to cross the street. 

“Wait,” Ben turns back slowly. Callum isn’t sure how to ask what is going through his head right now. He wants Ben. He wants to go home with him and lie in his bed and do everything he has thought of in his secret fantasies since the first night he was with Ben. But he’s scared. He’s scared that once he crosses that line he won’t be able to come back. There won’t be any denying what is happening. He won’t be able to hide behind the excuse that it was a one-off, that he was confused. 

Ben is looking at him, head cocked to the side, like if he stares hard enough he’ll be able to see into Callum’s head. “Who’s home? At yours?” Callum finally chokes out the question barely loud enough to be heard. Ben’s face relaxes just a little as he answers. “No one. Mum and Ian took Bobby to the beach for a long weekend and Lola and Lexi are staying at Billy’s tonight.” He steps forward and reaches out a hand. Callum takes a long look at it before tentatively putting his hand in Ben’s. Ben tugs just a little and Callum follows him like a puppet on a string. He lets go of Ben’s hand but puts himself in step beside him. Ben doesn’t say anything but he stays close enough that they brush against each other with every step. 

They reach the gate and Ben holds it open for Callum. Callum goes through but waits so that he can walk beside Ben. He lets Ben step forward to unlock the door and follows him through into the kitchen. Once inside Ben tosses his keys onto the counter, grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and continues through the house. He doesn’t wait to see if Callum follows. Callum watches the line of Ben’s back as he moves through the shadows. He follows him up the stairs and into his room. He stops in the center of the floor and closes his eyes as he hears the door close behind him. He hears Ben set the water bottle down and his heart is about to burst out of his chest in anticipation. He feels Ben moving closer to him, feels his heat as he rests his forehead in between Callum’s shoulder blades and wraps his arms around his waist. Callum folds his hands over Ben’s where they rest on his stomach and they just stand still for a moment. 

This is what Callum has been craving. The quiet that comes from Ben just being his focus. He turns in Ben’s arms, careful not to break contact. He reaches out to cradle Ben’s face and barely brushes their lips together. Ben follows his lips deepening the kiss. Callum moans into the warm velvet of Ben’s mouth. Their kisses stay sweet for just a few moments before everything wells up. Callum feels like he has been lost in the desert and has finally found an oasis. His movements become frantic as he pushes at Ben’s jacket, stripping it off. Attacking the buttons on Ben’s shirt while trying to continue to kiss Ben is awkward and Callum can’t manage it with his focus in shreds. Ben grabs onto both of his wrists to hold them still and moves slightly out of the reach of Callum’s mouth. Callum tries to sway back into Ben’s space but Ben holds firm, keeping the distance between them. Callum stops and finds himself locked into place by the look in Ben’s eyes. Ben slowly moves his hands out, releasing Callum’s wrists. Callum works on controlling his breathing while Ben reaches up to push his jacket off his shoulders. Ben takes his time working the buttons on Callum’s shirt open, letting his fingers stroke soothingly over Callum’s skin. He maintains eye contact the entire time and Callum can’t move. It’s like the first time he pinned Ben to the door when they had been fighting over that stupid van. He had been mesmerized by the way Ben’s gaze had locked onto to him and Callum had followed him like a snake follows a snake charmer. 

Not much has changed if Callum’s being honest. His eyes still follow Ben the same way. He can pick Ben out of a crowd, find him on the street, conjure him from thin air. He sits on the bench in the square pretending that he isn’t waiting for Ben to come out of his house, just to have a glimpse. He isn’t sure when his world started to revolve around Ben, but it doesn’t matter now. Ben flicks open the button on his jeans and Callum startles a little. Ben pulls back but Callum doesn’t want him to stop. He reaches out towards Ben’s shirt, hovering just a bit until Ben gives a slight nod. Callum drops his gaze and focuses on the way his hands look against Ben’s skin as his shirt parts. He brushes Ben’s nipples with backs of his fingers as he pushes the fabric away and is rewarded when they pebble under his touch. Callum shyly glances at Ben as he reaches the waist of his jeans. He is encouraged by the heaviness in Ben’s look and the way his bottom lip is caught between his teeth. Callum leans in to catch that lip between his own teeth as he pops the button and pulls the zipper on Ben’s pants. Ben grasps the back of Callum’s head and pulls him in for a proper kiss as he begins to push Callum back towards the bed. 

When Callum’s legs hit the bed, he steadies himself before sitting down. He is looking up at Ben standing over him. Ben reaches out and drags his thumb across Callum’s lips, tugging slightly. Callum opens his mouth at the slight pressure and feels the weight on his tongue, tastes the salt from Ben’s skin. He sucks lightly, rewarded with the heat in Ben’s eyes, the sound that he tries to hold in the back of his throat. Callum reaches out and tugs at Ben’s jeans. He focuses on the hard outline as he slides his fingers under the waist of Ben’s underwear. He glances back up looking for reassurance, but Ben is watching him with an intensity that makes him squirm. Callum screws up his courage and pulls Ben’s pants out of the way so he can look at him. Callum curls his fingers around Ben’s dick and studies it like there’s gonna be a test. 

He didn’t know why he had thought Ben’s cock would be so different than his own. Obviously, it had felt slightly different the last time they were together, but Callum hadn’t gotten a good look at it. But it looks so normal that Callum is absurdly relieved like he didn’t know what a dick should look like. It feels nice in his hand, heavy and warm. A drop of precum is pearled at the slit and Callum suddenly wonders what it would taste like. He leans forward, letting his hand support Ben’s cock and darts his tongue out to lap the little bead up. It’s salty, slick on his tongue and he wants to examine the taste but suddenly Ben’s got a death grip on the hair at the back of his head and he has to reach out to grab Ben’s hip with his free hand to steady himself. Callum’s eyes dart up to Ben’s face, terrified that he’s done something wrong but what he sees there stops him dead in his tracks. Ben is breathing hard but it’s the awe on his face that sends a rush through Callum. Callum has never experienced the feelings that bombard him right now. Keeping his eyes on Ben’s face Callum swipes his tongue over the head of Ben’s cock and watches as Ben lights up with pleasure. The feeling of power makes Callum a little giddy. The hand at the back of his head relaxes a bit and Callum uses the leeway to move his mouth closer to Ben’s cock. Ben keeps his hand at the nape of Callum’s neck but his fingers start to massage lightly instead of holding so tight. His other hand comes up to caress at Callum’s cheek, skating across his jaw as Callum closes his eyes and takes Ben into his mouth. Callum uses his hand to hold Ben’s cock steady at the base while the hand gripping Ben’s hip gives him some leverage. He experiments with dragging his tongue along the underside of Ben’s dick and varying his suction to see what Ben likes best. The sounds Ben is making is driving Callum crazy. He can’t look at him because it’s taking all his concentration to keep the blow job going but judging by the noises it’s going well. Callum is pretty sure this is probably the most unsexy he has ever looked but he can’t bring himself to care. His jaw is starting to ache some from trying making sure he doesn’t accidentally scrape Ben with his teeth and he thinks he can feel drool sliding down his chin but he is enjoying this tremendously. Enjoying it much more than he thought he would. He is surrounded by Ben’s smell, his taste and it’s completely intoxicating. The velvet skin of Ben’s cock in contrast to the tickle of his pubic hair on the inside of Callum’s wrist is strange in the best possible way. Ben has a firm hold on his head and shoulder but he isn’t pulling on Callum or trying to push deeper into his mouth. He’s letting Callum set the pace, letting him explore and discover. The hand at the back of Callum’s head tightens slightly and Callum lets Ben guide him back, his cock slipping out of his mouth with a wet sound. Callum tilts his head back so he can see Ben’s face, wondering why he is stopping him. 

“Ya gotta stop, don’t want this to be over so soon.” Ben covers Callum’s mouth with his fingers, dragging them lightly over his lips. Callum feels swollen and bruised but in a good way. He smiles against Ben’s fingers and reaches up to pull him down into a kiss. Ben leans in to capture Callum’s mouth, settling his weight against Callum. Callum goes with it, letting himself sink back onto the bed. Ben’s weight is comforting and safe on top of him, pressure in the most delicious way. Ben just kisses him, hands bracketed on either side of his head. Callum runs his hands under Ben’s shirt, enjoying the way the muscles in his back shift and move under his caress. Their movements are soft and slow, mouths joined, hands roaming. Ben is grinding slightly against Callum’s cock with his thigh and Callum can’t think of anything better. The pace picks up as Callum’s arousal grows. He begins to push at Ben’s clothes, trying to expose more skin. He manages to get Ben’s shirt off of his shoulders and then starts working on Ben’s jeans. Ben starts to help and Callum is wriggling, half trapped under Ben’s weight when Ben suddenly rolls off of him. Callum makes a whining sound in the back of his throat, hands grabbing, trying to keep Ben on top of him. 

“Stop. Stop.” Ben pulls away from him and puts an arm out to keep Callum at bay. Callum’s heart stops in his chest. “What… What’s wrong? Did I do something?” The panic wells up hot and sharp. Ben turns an incredulous look towards Callum and grins in disbelief. “Don’t burst a blood vessel! I’m just caught on me boots.” Ben motions towards his feet where his jeans are tangled around his ankles. He leans in and lightly brushes Callum’s cheek with his lips. “Believe me. You ain’t going nowhere until I have my wicked way with ya!” Callum feels the blush climb all the way up to his ears and works to control his heart hammering against his ribs. 

Ben leans down to loosen his boots so that he can kick them off along with his jeans and pants. Once he is completely naked he scoots up to the head of the bed and lays back with his arms folded under his head. Callum feels suddenly awkward sitting on the edge of the bed still half-dressed. He leans down to remove his own shoes and socks, pulling his shirt off as he straightens back up. He glances at Ben nervously, trying not to stare at the cock standing proudly at attention in between them. 

Ben’s gaze rakes down Callum’s body before flicking back up to catch his eyes. “Stand up and take the rest of your clothes off.” Ben’s voice is low and calm. He’s got just the hint of a cheeky smirk playing around his mouth. It sends a shiver down Callum’s spine and he can’t break eye contact. He hesitates, feeling embarrassed. Ben cocks his head slightly to the side. His voice stays low but the look in his eyes pins Callum to the spot. “Callum.” Callum has to clear his throat twice before he can respond. “Yea...Yeah?” Ben keeps his voice gentle but the hint of command still comes through. “I said, Stand up and take off your clothes. Can you do that for me? I want to see you.” Callum takes a deep breath and stands up. His hands shake as he unzips his jeans. He opts to push down everything all at once, using the need to reach down and free his feet to break Ben’s gaze. 

He straightens up and takes a step towards the bed but Ben stops him, holding up one hand. Callum freezes in place as Ben pushes up into sitting position. Ben slides his gaze from Callum’s face, down his body lingering on his cock before rising to meet his eyes again. There’s a hunger that Callum can’t ever remember seeing on anyone’s face before and it causes a flush to spread everywhere in his body, making his cock harder than he thought possible. 

Ben breathes out heavily, biting down on his lower lip. “Gorgeous. You are the most amazing thing I have ever seen.” Callum isn’t sure how to respond. Ben is calling him gorgeous when he’s laid out on the bed like a feast. Ben’s bold assessment of Callum takes away some of the embarrassment that holds Callum still and makes him feel like he has permission. Callum lets his eyes wander over Ben’s body. Ben stretches back a little, leaning on his elbows and letting Callum look his fill. Ben lets the moment stretch just a bit before holding out his hand. His voice is husky as he motions a little to Callum, “Come here.” 

Callum scrambles onto the bed and in his excitement almost hits Ben in the face with his head. Ben lets himself fall flat at the last minute, saving his nose in the process. Callum tries to get himself back upright but misjudges where the bed is and overextends his arm. He loses his balance and collapses in an ungraceful heap on top of Ben. He hears the whoosh as Ben’s breath is knocked out of him and Callum’s face squishes uncomfortably against Ben’s shoulder. 

Callum wants to die of embarrassment, just wants the ground to open up and swallow him. Why does this always happen to him? Callum can’t bring himself to raise up, feeling too stupid to exist. Ben is gasping slightly, trying to right his breathing. Finally, he seems to have it back under control and Callum feels him shift as his arms wrap around Callum’s body. Callum turns his head so he is looking up towards Ben’s face. Ben lifts his head enough so he can see Callum and chuckles. “Why are you always trying to kill me when we get to the good parts? I’m beginning to think this is an elaborate ruse just to off me.” 

Callum buries his head back into Ben’s chest, mumbling apologies. Ben leverages himself up onto an elbow, keeping the other arm around Callum. The movement rolls Callum just enough that he is staring up at Ben again. Ben has a fond smile on his face, gazing down at Callum. Callum gathers his courage, leaning up to kiss Ben softly. He pulls back just a bit to gauge Ben’s reaction. Ben just leans back in and deepens the kiss. Callum pulls himself up, lining up his body to Ben’s at a better angle. Ben uses the momentum to flip Callum onto his back and nestles his hips in between Callum’s legs. His full weight lays over Callum, pinning him down, settling him. Ben keeps kissing him as he reaches down and hitches Callum’s leg up over his hip. The change in position lines up their cocks. The sudden friction makes Callum lose his breath and he clutches at Ben’s shoulders, trying to keep from coming immediately. Ben breaks the kiss to trail kisses over Callum’s jaw, nuzzling up to his ear. His breath is hot on Callum’s ear as he whispers, “Like that, do ya?” He doesn’t wait for an answer, rocking his hips into Callum’s, creating more friction and pressure in all the right places. Callum wraps his arms around Ben, pulling him back into a kiss, more desperate and sloppy than before. All finesse has left Callum and he lets instinct guide him. He lifts his other leg and hooks it around Ben’s hip, trying to get his cock as close to Ben’s as possible. He is rutting up trying to create enough tension to drop over the edge but Ben chooses that moment to lift up on his knees some, breaking the rhythm. Callum cries out in frustration.

Ben unwraps Callum’s arms from around his neck and presses them down on either side of his head. He lifts his head enough to rest his forehead against Callum’s and works to control his breathing. Callum tries to reinitiate the kiss but Ben shakes his head. “Slow down just a bit. I want to enjoy this. Thought of this a hundred times, how you’d look under me.” Ben’s words make Callum feel like every drop of blood in his body has relocated to his cock, making him so hard it’s painful. Ben purposely lifts his eyes to Callum’s, making sure he has his attention, before sitting back on his heels. Callum’s hips are lifted slightly, resting on top of Ben’s thighs. He feels completely exposed with his legs open encircling Ben’s waist. His cock is laying along Ben’s and the sight of them bobbing there together makes his breath catch in his throat. Ben leans over him a bit and the pressure that slides along his cock is torture and heaven at the same time. Ben opens the bedside drawer and pulls out a bottle of lube. He sits back, making sure that Callum is watching. Ben deliberately holds the bottle up and drizzles lube over them both. The cool against Callum’s overheated skin sends a shiver through his entire body. Ben set the bottle to the side and takes them both in his hand. The rough skin on Ben’s hand coupled with the cool slick of the lube, the pressure of Ben’s cock against his as Ben works them both sends an electric pulse up Callum’s spine and he arches into the sensation. He isn’t sure what to do with his hands and he ends up fisting them into the pillow under his head, trying to keep his eyes open so he doesn’t miss a moment of what Ben is doing. Ben is watching him with such intensity it’s hard to hold his gaze. Ben is biting his bottom lip hard enough that Callum is afraid he’s going to draw blood. Callum can’t figure out where the low whimpering sounds are coming from and it takes a minute to realize they are coming from himself. All of the sensations in his body are concentrating in the base of his spine and it feels like electric shocks pulsing out into his limbs. The pressure builds until it feels like his soul is shooting out of his cock. He loses eye contact as his eyes close involuntarily in the face of the waves of pleasure that make his whole body convulse. He feels the warmth of his come that adds to the slickness Ben is using to bring them off. Callum is able to open his eyes just as he feels Ben’s rhythm start to falter and become more frantic. He watches in awe as Ben falls apart above him. Ben’s eyes shut tights as his whole body flushes and he goes rigid as he comes over his hand and onto Callum’s stomach. He leans forward barely cradling both their softening cocks in his hand and kisses Callum hard. Callum responds by cradling Ben’s face and returning the kiss fiercely. 

Ben finally lets go as his head drops to the crook in Callum’s neck, breathing hard. Callum lets his legs fall open so that Ben’s weight can rest more easily against him. He lets his fingers card lazily through Ben’s hair, sweeping sweat-soaked hair away from his face. Ben leans over just a bit, grabbing a tissue from the box on the nightstand and rolling just enough to get his other arm to the point where he can wipe his hand off. He runs the tissue over Callum’s stomach to wipe away the come that had splattered there before tossing it towards the bin next to the bed. Callum moves a little to adjust his leg where it’s pinned under Ben’s hip and Ben rolls off of him, onto his back. Callum rolls onto his side and lets his eyes wander over Ben’s body. He doesn't think he’ll ever get tired of looking at Ben. Ben in clothing is amazing. Ben completely naked is mesmerizing. As his gaze reaches Ben’s face, he realizes Ben looks a little… distant. Callum leans up on his elbow a bit and tries to assess the situation. He feels awesome, like mind-blowingly awesome. He feels like jelly and electrified at the same time. His mind runs over everything that just happened and he can’t find a point where it seems like he did anything wrong. Ben seemed like he enjoyed himself. Callum studies his face and concludes that maybe Ben is just a bit stiff after sex. After all, he did do most of the work, maybe he’s tired. Callum scoots a little closer and snuggles up with his head on Ben’s shoulder. After a moment, Ben seems to relax, tension draining from his body slowly. He lifts the arm Callum is leaning against and Callum lifts up to give him room, but Ben just wraps the arm around Callum’s shoulders and pulls him back in. Callum snuggles back up with his head on Ben’s shoulder and scoots his body closer to mold along Ben’s side. Feeling more comfortable than he has in ages, he lays his arm over Ben’s waist and throws a leg over the leg closest to him. Ben turns his head towards him, kissing him gently when Callum looks up. Callum returns the kiss with what feels like a really dopey smile. Just then Callum’s stomach growls very loudly. 

Ben looks at him in surprise. “You hidin a baby badger in there?” Callum blushes and hides his face in Ben’s shoulder. “Sorry, I was gonna eat when I got home. I had an early dinner so that I could get to The Albert.” Ben laughs and Callum can feel his whole body shake. Ben disentangles himself from Callum and scoots off the bed. Callum watches him anxiously. “Where ya going?” Ben pulls a robe off the hook on the back of the door and slips it on as he turns back to Callum. “Gonna go get something for ya to eat before you starve to death.” Ben leans over the bed and kisses Callum soundly. “Besides you need to keep your strength up. You stay here.” He gives Callum a wink as he goes out the door. 

Callum sits for a moment in the middle of the bed. Getting up he looks around the room for his boxers. Finding them he pulls them up and inspects the bed. They were on top of the duvet but it looks like they didn’t make a mess. He pulls back the duvet so that when they get back into bed it will be cozier. He pokes his head out the door into the hallway. He stays still and he can hear the faint noise of Ben moving around in the kitchen. Stepping out into the hallway he makes a guess and is rewarded with finding the loo on his first try. He takes a leak and then washes his hands and rinses his mouth. He stares at himself for a moment in the mirror but isn’t quite sure what he is looking for. Giving up he turns to go back to Ben’s room and almost runs into him on the landing. Ben is juggling an impressive array of cold cuts and cheese on a plate. A big hunk of bread is balanced on top of everything and he has three bottles of water stuck under his arm. Callum steadies Ben, catching the bread as it slides towards the floor. Ben looks at him concerned. “Where ya going?” Callum takes the water bottles from him and turns toward the bedroom. “Back to bed. Just needed the loo.”

“Oh, okay.” Ben sounds strangely relieved and Callum lets him come through the door before shutting it behind them. He sets the bottles on the bedside table before sitting down in the bed. He scoots to the inside to make room for Ben. Ben settles next to Callum and situates the plate between them. He hands Callum one of the water bottles and rips off a hunk of the bread that Callum is still holding in his hand. He rips it open and stuffs some meat and cheese inside to create a makeshift sandwich. Callum watches for a few seconds before following suit. They eat in silence but it’s not awkward. Callum feels really at ease for the first time in a long time. He opens his water and downs the cool liquid in one long continuous pull. When he finishes he realizes Ben is staring at him. “What?”

Ben smiles but ducks his head like he’s embarrassed. “Nothing. Just watchin’ you.” Now it’s Callum’s turn to be embarrassed. “Why?” Ben turns that same ‘I can’t believe you are real’ stare back on Callum. His grin morphs into a smirk in the blink of an eye. His voice goes low and husky. “Cause I totally get off on watching blokes eat. It’s my thing.” Callum feels his eyes widen and he about chokes on the piece of cheese he has just popped in his mouth. He coughs trying to clear his throat and Ben starts thumping him on the back like he’s gonna beat the breath back into Callum. Callum waves Ben off and takes a swallow of Ben’s water to clear his throat. Once he has himself back under control he finds Ben’s gaze again and plucks up his courage to ask, “Really, is that like a normal thing? Getting off on people eating.” Callum feels horribly flustered and a little confused. He thinks back but he doesn’t remember it being weird anytime he was eating and Ben was around. Not that he and Ben have shared any meals but sometimes they are in the Vic at the same time when Callum has been eating with...other people. 

Callum is so entranced in his thoughts that it takes him a minute to clock the completely amused look on Ben’s face. He looks like he can’t decide if Callum is serious or not. Once he realizes that Callum is indeed serious Ben throws his head back and starts laughing so hard that the whole bed is shaking. "No, Callum, it's not a real thing. I'm kinky but not that kinky." Callum feels a little put out by whatever is happening right now and shoves Ben a little. “Shut up. I don’t know what kinda weird stuff you get up to!” This just sends Ben off into another round of laughing so hard that he suddenly snorts and then Callum is laughing too. “Stop, I can’t breathe,” Callum begs between breaths. Ben is making these little huffing sounds as he tries to sort himself out. They finally subside and get themselves under control but Ben still has the widest grin on his face. 

Ben’s face is equal parts amused and fond. “I just like looking at you, ya moron. That’s part of wanting you, ya know, the fact that I kinda like how you look.” Ben is looking at him all soft and sweet and suddenly Callum just wants to kiss him again. He leans in and kisses the grin off Ben’s face. He uses his tongue to trace the seam of Ben’s mouth and Ben opens up for him, just like he always does. Callum gets up on his knees and cradles Ben’s face deepening the kiss. Callum tries to push Ben over but Ben stops him with a hand on his chest. “Seriously, why do you do that?” Callum whines in Ben’s face trying to get their faces back together. Ben stays strong and pushes Callum until he settles back onto his knees. 

Ben just flicks his eyes at Callum before picking up the plate that Callum was about to kneel on and depositing it on the floor. “Someone has to be the responsible party here and you just don’t seem up to the task. Would have glass shards all up my bum if I left you in charge.” Ben leans back into Callum’s space and stops just before their lips touch. He levels a pointed look at Callum’s mouth before catching his eyes again. “As you were.” 

Callum takes it for the invitation it is. In a blink, he has Ben flat on his back and throws a leg over him so that he can straddle him. He rests his weight carefully on Ben’s pelvic region as he balances on his hands so that he can bring their mouths back together. Callum doesn’t think he will ever be tired of kissing Ben. He’s soft and rough against Callum at the same time. Callum explores the warm velvet of Ben’s mouth with his tongue, using his teeth to nip at his lips. He feels Ben’s hands cup his face, sliding his thumbs along Callum’s jaw. He grinds down just a bit with his hips and Ben makes a whimpering sound at the back of his throat. His hands slide down Callum’s body to grip his hips and Ben pulls Callum into him just a bit as he thrusts upwards. Callum loses his ability to think as Ben uses his hands to create more friction. He closes his eyes, concentrating on the feeling of Ben rubbing against him when a sharp sting makes him gasp. Ben is sucking and biting at his neck where it meets his collarbone and Callum’s bones turn to liquid at the sensation. 

Ben is making these wonderful noises with every press of their hips and it occurs to Callum that there is way too much cloth between them. He pulls back and pushes against the bed to get upright. The change in position puts his weight back more onto Ben and he can feel Ben’s hardness pressing up into the crack of his ass. He unties Ben’s robe and pushes it to the sides. He accidentally traps Ben’s arms as he does and when he tries to remedy the situation he tangles them up even more. Callum is so turned on he can’t think, so frustrated he could scream and so embarrassed he wants to die. He isn’t sure he should be allowed to have sex if he is always going to muck it up so bad. Every negative thing he has ever thought about himself wells to the surface. Just once he would like to be smooth and in control of a situation, but no. He has to fumble and make a fool of himself as always. He finally flops to the side off of Ben and stares at the ceiling trying to will himself soft so that he can slink out of the room. He can’t even look at Ben beside him. Ben has sat up and is pulling the sleeves of the robe to untangle his arms before wriggling it out from under him and throwing it across the room. He turns around and hovers over Callum and Callum turns his head away. 

Callum feels Ben go still as a statue above him. He blinks away his tears and tries to figure out what he is going to do next when Ben’s voice breaks through his humiliation. “Are you alright?” His voice is soft, gentle like he’s calming a skittish animal. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, okay? Just tell me if ya don’t like something and I’ll stop.” There is just a slight edge of desperation in the words. Ben’s hand is hovering over his chest, like he wants to touch but is afraid to. “Callum, please. Just tell me what’s wrong.” It’s the slight begging tone that makes Callum exhale noisily and turn his head just slightly towards Ben. He still can’t look at him but he can kinda see him out of the corner of his eye. 

Callum clears his throat, takes just a second to gather his courage. “I’m sorry.” His voice breaks a little. Ben’s voice takes on a tone of concern and urgency. “Why? What’s wrong?” He still hasn’t touched Callum but his hand is stroking the air above his chest like he can soothe him like that. “I’m so bad at this.”Callum closes his eyes against the tears that are threatening. “I know you're used to more experienced blokes and I can’t even get naked without messing it up.” Callum jumps a little when Ben’s hand falls onto his chest and his forehead crashes into Callum’s shoulder. “Jesus, you about gave me a heart attack. I thought I done something to hurt ya or freak you out.” Callum sneaks a peek towards Ben but all he can see is the top of his head. He reaches up and cautiously takes Ben’s hand in his own, keeping his grip loose. Ben twines his fingers through Callum’s and lifts his head to stare Callum right in the eyes. 

Callum goes to turn away. “No, look at me.” The command in Ben’s voice is unmistakable. Whenever Ben uses that tone the only thing Callum can do it comply. He keeps his eyes trained on Ben and fights to keep his composure. Ben sighs and shakes his head. “Look, I know you don’t have much experience. I’d be lying if I said that wasn’t part of what makes you attractive. The excitement of getting to be the first to show you things, yeah that really gets me going.” Callum feels the blush fire up his cheeks but manages to keep his eyes on Ben. “But that ain’t all of it. I don’t care if you fumble, or crush me, or fall on me. Hell, ya already did all three.” Callum feels a smile twitch the corner of his mouth and he relaxes just that bit more under Ben’s gaze. “I want you,” Ben emphasizes each word. “I’d want you if you’d been with a hundred people and had all the experience in the world. I want you the way you are now, all blushes and mumbling and accidental clobbering.” A laugh escapes Callum before he can stop it. “I want you innocent and clueless. I want to feel you under me, over me, inside me. I just want you and I’ll keep you as long as you’ll let me.” The look in Ben’s eyes takes Callum’s breath away. For just a moment, Ben is completely vulnerable, letting everything hang in the air and Callum can’t breathe with the weight of it. 

Callum feels the weight of their hands, twined together, resting on his belly, the brush of air from Ben’s breathing across his cheek and realizes he has been completely stupid. He has been trying so hard to be perfect for everyone that he had forgotten that Ben is the one person who never seems to expect perfection. He has taken Callum with all his flaws. He has pushed and prodded and made Callum so crazy that he wants to scream but he has never demanded perfection. Ben has taken Callum’s anger, confusion and secrets, and even when they hurt him Ben has never betrayed him. 

Callum leans up to press his lips against Ben’s hard. Ben returns the kiss with increased force. He pushes into Callum’s mouth with determination. Callum pulls his hand free so that he can grip Ben’s head with both hands and pull him down into himself. Ben goes with the movement and uses his hands to stroke over Callum’s body. Ben breaks the kiss and moves down to yank Callum’s boxers down his legs and flings them off to the side somewhere. He’s back between Callum’s legs, pushing slightly to make room for himself while stretching his whole body over Callum. He captures Callum’s mouth in a fierce kiss and gives a whole-body roll which brings every nerve in Callum’s body to life. Callum is gasping from the overwhelming sensations. Ben moves down just a little to lick and suck at Callum’s neck and then lower to his nipples. Callum arches under the tingles that spread across his chest and up his spine. Ben rolls his hips again and his cock nestles into the crack of Callum’s ass and bumps the underside of his balls. Callum is breathing hard and trying to form a thought but Ben is making it difficult. He is setting Callum’s whole body aflame. 

“Ben, Ben.” Callum gasps pulling at Ben’s hair slightly to get his attention. Ben looks up at him and grins. “Before when you said in you, did you mean it?” That gets Ben’s full attention. He stretches back up and kiss Callum soundly. “Yes, I meant it. I want you in every way. Are you sure you want to? We don’t have to.” Ben is still rutting up against him and Callum is having to concentrate to get his words out. “I want that, but the other way.” Ben freezes at that statement. “What do you mean?” His face is cautious and Callum ducks his head and blushes. “I mean, we don’t have to, if you don’t want to. But I just wondered what it would feel like, you inside,” Callum waits for Ben’s response but he’s surprised when Ben shakes his head. He floods with disappointment and a little bit of shame. Ben catches his eye and shakes his head again. “I want you to be sure that is what you want.” Callum tries to backpedal. “I just thought you might want to but if you aren’t into that...”Callum trails off, squirming with embarrassment. “Callum, shut up.” Callum snaps his mouth shut with a click. Ben refocuses and starts again. “I want to be inside you so bad that hearing you say it out loud almost just made me come. But I don’t want you to do it just because you think I want to. It’s kinda a big deal the first time. If you want, we will try but I want you to promise you will stop me if anything doesn’t feel right.” Ben is staring at him with this intensity that makes Callum second guess every decision he has ever made in his life, let alone this particular one. But still, he wants with to every fiber of his being so he meets Ben’s gaze and nods. “Yes, I promise. Please, Ben, fuck me.” 

That statement seems to take any ounce of resistance out of Ben and he pushes in close to capture Callum’s lips in a brutal kiss. His fingers dig into Callum’s hips so hard there will probably be bruises as he drops his head to Callum’s chest. He takes a deep breath and whispers so low Callum almost can’t hear him, "Okay, changing gears.” 

Ben sits up and Callum reaches for him but Ben reaches past him to the bottle of lube on the bedside table. Callum stretches back on the bed and watches as Ben slicks up his fingers. Ben sets the lube where he can get to it easily. Callum is holding his breath as he watches Ben’s hand lower until he can’t see it between his legs. Ben reaches up and strokes his other hand down Callum’s chest and it pulls Callum’s gaze to him. “Just breathe, baby. It’ll feel a little cold at first.” Just as Ben says that Callum feels a slick finger circle his asshole. The sensation makes him clench up a little. Ben just keeps stroking everywhere his free hand can reach. The cool slick finger at his rim just continues to circle with light pressure. 

Callum braces his feet on the bed which brings his knees up on either side of Ben. Ben strokes his left hand up the outside of Callum’s thigh and drops a kiss on the inside of his knee. The pressure against his ass increases but Ben still isn’t trying to get inside of him. Ben’s voice is a soothing balm to his ragged nerves and he keeps a running commentary of what he’s doing. “Just breathe, everything is fine. I’m just getting you used to the sensation. Does it feel good? Just a little stroke loosens you up.” 

Callum is strung as tight as a harp string right now but he tries to relax into the sensations. The light stroking feels weird but in a good way. Every pass feels better than the one before. Ben’s other hand keeps stroking across his hips and his legs which feels nice. Callum concentrates on Ben’s voice which seems to be the most helpful. “You are doing so good, babe. I’m gonna push in just a little now. Just let me know, okay?” The stroking doesn’t stop but Callum finally realizes that Ben is looking at him waiting for the go-ahead. Callum nods just a bit to let him know it’s okay. The first push doesn’t hurt it just feels strange. Ben rubs him along his rim, letting him loosen up on his own. “You are doing fantastic. Just a bit more.” Everything is going super slow and Callum relaxes gradually. It seems like forever before Ben is fully inside him and it’s only his finger. Ben seems intent on something and Callum’s curious why. He’s about to ask when Ben brushes something inside that sets off fireworks. Callum sorted arches up some and Ben anchors his hips back down with his forearm. “That’s it. Feel good?” Callum takes a moment to catch his breath and nods shakily. “Yeah. What the hell?” Ben smirks at him “Told ya you’d like it, didn’t I?” Ben drizzles more lube in between Callum’s legs and the cold startles him. “Sorry, didn’t mean to get you.” Ben uses his thumb to swipe at the lube that dripped onto Callum’s balls and Callum’s dick decides it likes this turn of events. Ben chuckles a little, “That’s it. Starting to feel it now. That’s good. That’s what we want, babe. Gonna add another, okay?” 

Callum nods quickly, wanting more. Ben adds a second finger and Callum tenses up for a second. Ben just continues to stroke across his pelvis and hips with his free hand and lay kisses wherever he can reach. Callum fists his hands into the pillow and takes a deep breath, forcing his body to relax. Ben doesn’t move at first, just whispering endearments and encouragement against Callum’s skin. As Callum relaxes Ben begins to move more and pick up the pace. Every few strokes he brushes against the thing inside Callum that makes his toes curl and makes Callum want more. He doesn’t know why Ben is chanting yes over and over until he realizes that he’s not. Callum hadn’t even realized that he was doing that until he hears Ben making soothing sounds. “It’s okay, babe. Just talk to me, sweetheart. Tell me what you want.” Callum is wracking his brain trying to form words. All he ends up getting out is “more”. “It’s okay. I’ll take care of you. I’m gonna make you feel good.” Ben twists his hand and Callum suddenly feels overly full. There is pressure everywhere and his cock feels hard as a rock. He almost can’t take it when the angle of Ben’s fingers changes as Ben leans over him. He’s rifling through his bedside drawer. He pulls a couple of items and drops them on the bed beside him. 

“Okay. I’m gonna pull out now.” Callum makes this high pitched whine he wasn’t aware that he could make. Ben strokes his skin with his free hand and eases his fingers out. Callum feels empty all at once. He sits up a little to run his hands over Ben’s chest and gives him little kitten kisses all over his chest. He is vaguely aware of Ben wiping his hands with a wet wipe and then watches as Ben rips open the condom with his teeth and smoothes it on. He coats his cock with lube and motions to Callum to lie down. Once Callum complies, he's surprised as Ben manhandles him over on his side a bit with both of his legs to Ben’s right. 

“It’s okay. It will be easier this way the first time.” Ben scoots around a bit and hooks his arm under Callum’s knee. Callum can still lay on his back mostly and see what Ben is doing. He watches Ben’s face as a look of intense concentration comes over him. He uses his shoulder to prop Callum’s leg up and guides his cock towards what Callum assumes is his opening. He feels the blunt edge of Ben’s cock against him and he tenses up again. Ben looks up at him and runs a hand down his side. “Okay, it’s alright. When I tell you, I want to breathe out and push down with your ass. Okay?” He waits until Callum nods. He increases the pressure against the rim of Callum’s asshole and then he looks Callum straight in the eye. “Now!” 

Callum does as he’s told. He lets his breath out in a whoosh and bears down. There’s a moment of intense pressure and then an almost popping feeling. Ben stills except for the hand soothing up and down Callum’s ribs. He drops his head to the leg propped up on his shoulder taking a deep breath. Callum feels a slight burning feeling coming from his ass and fullness he has never experienced before. It doesn’t hurt, per se, it just feels really weird. Ben finally looks up, after what feels like an eternity. “Are you okay, babe?” Callum nods slightly unable to find his voice right now. 

Ben lowers Callum’s leg to let it drape over his arm. “I’m gonna start moving now. Let me know if it’s too much.” Callum tries out his voice to make sure it still works. “Okay.” Ben moves in small increments pushing in just a bit and then sliding out a bit. He watches Callum’s face intently and Callum finally catches on that he’s trying to make sure Callum isn’t in pain. He definitely isn’t. There is a slight burning sensation that gets more intense on the push and eases on the pull. Finally, Callum feels Ben’s body pressed snug up to his and Ben seems to take a full breath. 

Ben lets Callum’s leg drop gently and eases himself down beside Callum. Callum keeps that leg bent so that there is enough room for Ben to fit comfortably. Ben leans in and kisses Callum gently. Callum has to twist around a bit and Ben is propped up on one arm so that his body is curled slightly over Callum but it isn’t as awkward as it sounds. Ben strokes his right hand down Callum’s ribs and grips his hip. Ben rolls his hips forward slightly and Callum gasps as his vision whites out a little. 

Ben starts kissing his neck and uses the grip on his hip to keep Callum steady while he snaps his hips forward. Ben’s front is plastered to Callum’s back and the sweat coming off both of them makes it slippery. Ben slides his body along Callum’s and it’s all Callum can do to keep up. He’s got one hand twisted into the pillow beneath his head and the other is scrabbling for purchase. He feels Ben’s hand come up and interlock with his, lube sliding between their fingers. It gets anchored down in the crease between his hip and where his thigh is bent. Ben moves just a bit and suddenly his cock is nailing Callum’s prostate straight on. (Prostate, that’s what that’s called) Callum’s brain supplies him suddenly.

Ben is biting down on the back of Callum’s neck and calling out his name in breathless moans. Callum is seeing stars with every stroke of Ben’s cock. Ben uses his body to roll them more towards Callum’s front and uses the extra leverage to pound harder into Callum’s body. Ben, without warning, wrenches his hand out of Callum’s and Callum would protest but suddenly he is wrapping it around Callum’s cock and stroking in time to his thrusts. Callum reaches behind him and clutches Ben’s ass just to have something to hold onto. The liquid heat pools in his spine in the split second before it shoots out his cock. His whole body goes tense with his orgasm and he feels Ben bite into the flesh right at the base of his neck where it meets his shoulder. Ben tangles his left hand into Callum’s hair and yanks his head back to press a bruising kiss onto Callum’s mouth. Callum surrenders completely to Ben as his body convulses with the aftershocks of pleasure.

When Callum begins to become aware of his surroundings again, Ben is panting hard into his shoulder. He has the hand that was jerking Callum off smoothing circles into Callum’s stomach and the other is curled under Callum’s head stroking through his hair. Callum goes to move his leg because it’s at an awkward angle but freezes when Ben hisses in his ear. “Wait, don’t move yet.” Callum contemplates letting Ben have his way but his leg is starting to cramp. “I’ve got a cramp in my leg. I just need to straighten it out a bit.” “Fine,” Ben grumbles into his shoulder. Callum moves carefully, easing his leg out just a bit. They are sorta rolled over on Callum’s front and most of Ben’s weight is draped over Callum. He finds that he doesn’t mind at all. 

Too soon, Ben rolls back just a bit and reaches down to lift Callum’s leg to be able to slip free. Callum stirs and realizes he must have been dozing. Ben sits up and scoots to the end of the bed. Callum watches as he removes and ties off the condom. He drops it in the trash and turns towards the door. “Where ya going?” Callum manages to lift his head partway off the bed. “Shhh. Just give me a minute. I’ll be right back.” Callum drops back down onto his stomach on the bed. The next thing he knows Ben is nudging him awake. “Come on, Cal. I need ya to get up.” Callum reluctantly stands and trails along after Ben. The shower is running in the bathroom. Ben pushes and prods him until Callum is under the spray. He steps in behind him and closes the curtain. Ben soaps him up and Callum leans against the wall dozing a bit, just enjoying Ben’s touch. Ben turns him so his back is facing him and soaps up his shoulders and down his back. Callum tenses a bit when Ben’s fingers slip into the crease of his ass. He’s a little sore. “Hey, it’s okay, baby. Just washing away sticky, okay?” Callum nods sleepily and leans into the wall while Ben cleans him gently and thoroughly. He turns back around once he has been rinsed completely. He watches while Ben soaps up and rinses. He stumbles when Ben helps him out of the shower and presses soft kisses to Ben’s temple when he reaches around to wrap the towel around Callum’s shoulders. Ben rubs him dry and then lets him lean against the sink while he dries himself. 

Callum follows Ben back to his room and spots the water bottle on the dresser. He sips on it to relieve the dryness in his mouth. When he finishes he realizes that Ben has straightened out the covers on the bed. He plops down on the edge and immediately regrets it. Ben stifles a laugh and Callum glares at him while he moves around to find a less sore position. “It’s not funny.” Ben grins at him again. “No pity for self-inflicted wounds.” “What?” Callum squawks. “I didn’t inflict this on myself.” Ben leans down and kisses him on the nose. “No, you’re right. You didn’t inflict it on yourself, but you certainly asked for it.” Ben easily sidesteps the halfhearted swing Callum aims at him.

Ben hesitates, taking a deep breath. He looks away and busies himself cleaning up the bedside table. “Can you stay? It might be better to sleep it off here.” The slight note of hope in Ben's voice catches Callum off guard. Callum wants to stay so bad but he really shouldn’t. He fiddles with the covers trying to figure out how to get what he wants. “What do I say to Whit?” Callum hears the sharp intake of breath but doesn’t look up because he doesn’t want to see the expression on Ben’s face. 

It’s been silent too long and Callum finally risks a look at Ben. He finds Ben staring right at him. “Do you want to stay? That’s the real question, Callum.” Ben holds his gaze refusing to let Callum wiggle out of this. “Yes.” Callum barely breathes out the word but it takes all the tension out of Ben immediately. “Well then,” Ben beams at Callum, “give us your phone.” He holds his hand out expectantly. “What? Why?” Callum snags his trousers from the floor and drags them over to him. He fishes his phone out of the pocket and hands it over to Ben. 

Ben doesn’t hesitate, just unlocks it and starts to type out a message. “Hey, how do you know my pass code?” Callum demands. Ben just levels a look at him over the phone. “Really, how do think I know? Bloody hell, Cal, You need to be more aware of your surroundings.” Ben finishes the message and tosses the phone to Callum. 

Callum opens the message screen back up and finds the message Ben has sent. It’s to Whit and for half a second Callum can’t breathe. Once he reads it though he realizes that it’s perfect. 

~Hey Whit, Sorry it’s so late. Found Ben drunk and yelling in the square. Took him home but no one in. afraid to leave him on his own. Gonna crash on couch. See ya in the morning. Love ya.

Callum hates lying to Whit but he understands that he can’t really tell the truth at this exact moment. And it’s close enough to the truth that he shouldn’t mess it up. He looks up at Ben and smiles a little. “I’m really tired. Ready to go to bed.” He holds out his hand and Ben uses it to balance as he crawls across the bed. “Do you mind if I sleep next to the wall?” Callum shakes his head and lets Ben get settled. He snaps off the lamp at the bedside. As he stretches out beside Ben he wraps his arm around him and pulls him in close to his chest. Ben snuggles in laying his head on his shoulder. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Ben’s breath snuffles against him in the dark. “Yeah, just a bit sore.” Callum nuzzles into Ben’s hair breathing in his scent. “It’ll be fine in the morning probably.” Ben just hums in response. Just as Callum’s dozing off he hears Ben. “I’m glad you’re here.” Callum gives it just a minute before he responds. “Me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please be kind I am still getting used to actually posting my writing. Constructive criticism is welcome. If you find any mistakes please feel free to point them out.


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